Magic: The Explanation
Magic terms and what they mean
Note: These "explanation" aren't meant serious. They are not useful for learning Magic; in fact, you'll have to already know the rules to understand most of these jokes.
"Have you finished your turn?"
"Don't you want to attack me this turn?
"Is it okay with you if we just skip the normal procedure?"
"Hey, I'm trying to some real nasty, illegal trick on you if you don't mind. Just say Yes."
"Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap."
Something very ugly is going to happen. Stop playing Magic IMMEDIATELY or you're going to regret it.
"Okay, here's my Serra and this other big creature and you have got nothing out!"
Expect an Armageddon.
"Cool, I just drew a Land Tax. There, it's out."
See: last explanation.
"Cool! There is my best creature, and you don't have a single mana available to counter it!"
Obviously he hasn't heard of Force of Will.
"It's very kind of you to attack with all you 1/1s, here's my Sandstorm."
Beat him up.
"You can't do that!"
You can. Do it.
"Is this legal?"
It isn't. Try it anway.
"Let's start the game. Plateau, Mox Ruby, Mox Pearl, Black Lotus, Shivan. I'm finished for this turn."
Check for copied cards. Count his library. Claim unfair playing practice. Do something or run.
"Magic? Ain't that the game they play with the five cards in hand and all the money lying in the middle?"
Invite him for a game.
"Darling, I really like seeing you having a nice time while playing Magic with your friends. Good luck tonight."
If she hasn't already got a new lover, buy her a nice holiday trip (Yes, together with you) and half down your weekly gaming evenings.
"Zuran Orb" or "Millstone" or "Black Vise" or ...
"Disenchant" or "Shatter" or ...